[My chest hurts. I have no idea why. No, wait. Yes I do.
Terry said he wasn't the only one, so I assumed Lachlan must have a film too. That isn't what's making my chest ache right now. I'm too young for a stroke…right? Who knows.
Well, my chest is aching for sure…
All right. Let's see…
1918. Okay no big deal there and yeah he does look good for 90. Better than good, but forget about that for a second.
He has old fashioned values. Nothing wrong with values. If he grew up in the…30s & 40s? That sounds about right. Then his values really are old fashioned. Okay, that's fine too. Hard to adhere to old fashioned values in the twenty first century. I don't suppose it's impossible.
And nothing wrong with Lachlan telling me what he was looking for in life. He's open. Honest. That's a good thing. I appreciate that. I want to simplify my life also. But, why would Lachlan tell me he likes me…and then mention a home, a wife, and family? It sounds like he's considering starting something with me that could lead to those things? It's not a horrible idea. I do like him a lot also, but we just met yesterday. After Lachlan read about my marriage and how bad it was…why would he think I would care to listen about a home and a family? I thought I would have those things with Jason and I was wrong. Terribly wrong.
Doesn't Lachlan realize that I just escaped that marriage only a few days ago? I thought he could tell that I'm not exactly alright about everything yet.
I'd like to be. Alright, that is. I would like to be able to just say "I'm cool" and then move on. But, hell, how am I'm supposed to do that as quickly as Terry and Lachlan seem to think I should be able to? It isn't like being okay with all that's happened recently is just imprinted on some light switch I can just turn on.
It may have helped if Terry would have told me something, anything about of his involvement in what happened to me. But he didn't. He ignored my attempt to talk to him and instead focused on something he wanted to talk about. That's fine for him. I would have no problem listening, but I thought he would at least listen to me too. Another man I was wrong about.
And now Lachlan wants me to help him adjust to the twenty-first century? Okay Lach, is that all? Sounds easy enough. Shouldn't take but a few minutes. Then why don't ya ask me to explain something hard? Like what is up with men and their egos and why ware they sometimes completely oblivious to the needs of others?
Well, the only thing that really bothers me about what Lachlan said was: "You did what was expected and you didn't complain…" I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it to sound like a bad thing, but…I suffered enough of that expectation from Jason. From now on…I'll do as I please, and if I don't like something, I'm sure as hell going to complain.
I can't be sure what Lachlan means my telling me all this at once. Why couldn't he have just paced himself? Maybe he could have just started by asking me if I would like to watch his film. Then maybe he could have clued me in on the rest of his thoughts.
My first instinct is to just turn to Lachlan and ask "What the hell is wrong with you?" He seems to be asking me for a lot. Why? Terry did it too. Asked me to be understanding even though he would barely do the same for me. Jason definitely asked for too much from me. I don't get it. Any of it.
Lachlan is lucky that I just…want so much to be okay. Just move on. It isn't easy for your needs to be disregarded, especially when you're used to it happening over and over again. I keep finding reasons why it was a bad idea to follow Terry to Big Sur.
So why, after all of my continued frustration, do I feel the desire to get to know Lachlan and help him with whatever he needs?
I turn to him with a genuine smile.]
Sure, Lachlan. When and where?
